Mrs Edna Rice found Jesus.

I have received this most excellent 1000 word submission from Sam. Another to tide you over: enjoy! Photo credit: Stephen Becker.
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Mrs Edna Rice found Jesus. Promptly, Jasper misplaced Him.

Thursday, Jasper went to visit the Rice family home to explain. His mother had already tore him a new one over the phone, now he had to endure more of the same in person. Jasper’s father died two years ago and was spared the humiliation of being the father of such a son, said Edna.

Jasper said the bag boy knew something.

Earlier, Jasper had been in lane three, Gianna’s lane, at Preston’s. Her bag boy, who seemed to have found Billy Idol, was not paying attention to the bagging and Jasper put Jesus down for just one minute so he could instruct the bag boy properly, having been himself Bag Boy of the Month once in his youth.

The need to be chivalrous was Jasper’s hubris.

A scene ensued as the bag boy had not enjoyed Jasper’s instructions. Jasper asked, in what he felt was a jovial manner, what the bag boy was going to do about it. You see, Jasper is of a certain age and men of this age wax nostalgic about the days when youth respected their elders, especially ones of Jasper’s station. And so, Jasper was a bit shaken from the right uppercut the bag boy delivered squarely to his jaw. The manager was not amused about the bag boy’s violent attack of a loyal customer. Jasper was the third attack in as many days.

Though Jasper sustained a sore mouth, the bag boy was only relegated to lettuce duty.

Jesus had to be at Preston’s. But Jasper chose not to go back right away. Best to let the bag boy cool down before confronting him. Besides, after informing the manager where he could shove his bag boy, Jasper was not sure he should visit Preston’s for some time.
Jasper phoned Gianna. This time, he spoke to her, instead of simply hanging up at hello. Gianna could not place the name with the face but she remembered the punch. As for the Lord, she had no clue. Maybe Jesus was with the bag boy, she said. Maybe not. The bag boy was more of a loner and did not take kindly to hippies.

Then where was Jesus?

Probably turning water into wine without Jasper. Jasper rarely drank. For good reason. Drunk Jasper had a tendency to lecture on a person’s faults. Recently, Jesus started hinting that he needed his own space. Maybe a loft on King.

At the Rice’s home, Mrs. Rice showed more interest in how Jasper was going to find Jesus than any retelling of the scuffle with the bag boy. She barely heard what Jasper said after the news that Jesus was lost.

It was getting dark. Jasper took an aspirin dry and walked to the mausoleum. The Rice burial vault was built in the late 1850s, but no Rice had actually been buried there since 1860. That was the year of the pox. Only Jasper’s great-great-and-so-on grandfather, Kismet Rice, had survived. The Rices have been plagued with survivor guilt ever since.

At the graveyard, Jasper saw a silhouette illuminated by the waxing full moon behind the mausoleum. It was Gianna, alone, but there was something about the way she was leaping and frolicking, naked, that gave Jasper pause.

He hid behind a tree to see what would happen next. Having imagined this sight so often – without the graveyard setting, though – Jasper could not resist the urge to watch.

In mid dervish whirl, Gianna called his name. Jasper scrunched down lower.

Gianna stopped spinning and walked back to the mausoleum. Gianna moved out of view and Jasper stood tentatively, just in case she came back. He could see movement behind the vault but not clearly.

If only something would suddenly happen, thought Jasper.

Suddenly, there was a tap on his shoulder, causing Jasper to shout. He spun on his heels to see Gianna. Still naked.

Nudity doesn’t facilitate clear communications. Not never, but not often. Not in this sort of setting. Not while trying to find Jesus.

And all Jasper wanted was to find Jesus. And possibly to see if Gianna’s nudity was unsanitary. The various ways he could discover this were racing through his brain while Gianna was speaking to him.

She smiled, placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, turned and walked away, into the night. Her skin glowed in the moonlight so Jasper was able to watch her walking for some time.

He sighed, feeling happy for the first time in days.

Perhaps he had found Jesus after all.

Now he just needed to physically locate him and all would be right with the world.

Images of Gianna kept frolicking in Jasper’s mind as he headed back downtown. There were really only three places Jasper could think of that the Son of God might frequent. Being a weeknight, Jasper knew the first two places would be closed – the church and the jerk chicken stand. This left only one place for Jesus to be found. And Jasper found him. Shooting craps. Not quite in Jesus’s character, but Jasper had stopped questioning the Lord. Jasper had grown accustomed to Jesus behaving like a normal person. Everyone thought he was all godly and supernatural. Sure, but he also was a man, just like Jasper. And men had their vices. Jesus was no different.

Jesus was not happy to be found. Not by Jasper and definitely not in the alley behind Preston’s. The Lord was hanging out with the bag boys when Jasper arrived. They were playing craps. Jasper joined in. Do as I say, you once said, thought Jasper.

Mrs Edna Rice would see Jesus in time, but only after Jasper took everyone to the cleaners. Jesus still practiced a life of meager needs, so it was not long before they stood up, dusted off their knees and headed back to the Rice home, Jasper three hundred bucks and a pair of sandals richer.

Thanks, said Jesus.

No problems, said Jasper.

And then Jesus put his arm around Jasper’s shoulders as they walked home.